Saturday, July 13, 2013

The Dating Yellow Brick Road -- Ends With "F-You"

Hey everyone, welcome to Dating Land ... a magical place where no one says what they mean, everyone is pissed off all the time, some people are having sex and it always ends with a break-up.

Yeah ... break-up because we're in Dating Land, not Marriage Land. Pay attention!!!!


Guy: "Hey. You're cute. Let's hook-up."
Girl: "Okay."

Pit Stop #1 -- After Sex

Guy: "Just so you know, I'm not looking for a relationship." (Truth)
Girl: "Yeah me neither." (Lie ... unless the sex was bad).

Pit Stop #2 -- Another Hook-Up

Guy:"Thanks for coming all the way out here at 1 AM. Sorry you had to take the bus. Eeek" (Truth)
Girl: "Oh no problem." (Lie)

Girl: "Hey so how about we get dinner on Tuesday?" (Truth)
Guy: "Oh, I can't." (Lie)
Girl: "Ok no problem" (Lie. And she's sad).

Pit Stop #3 -- Another Random  / Drunken Late Night Hook Up

Guy: "Do you need me to call you a cab?" (Truth)
Girl: "I thought I would just stay over." (Truth)

Guy:"Oh, I have to get up early tomorrow ... for uh ... stuff." (Truth, kind of, there is "stuff" like breakfast and taking a shit).

Girl: "Oh, yeah me too." (Lie. Her stuff was hanging out with guy. Yikes.)

Check-In to Dating Land Hotel for play-by-play with FRIENDS.

Guy's Friends: "blerg ... sex ... boobs ... blerg ... how's that gym-chick?"
Guy: "Dude her body is banging. And she let me in the back door." Hooray!

Girl's Friends
: "Ok, so I know we recapped on g-chat, and in the mass email, and at brunch, but how is [Random guy's name]? Did you invite him to your sister's wedding? Did he get that promotion? Listen to me as I know all the details of his life ... blah blah blah."

Girl: "Oh he's so good. We totally hooked-up again. I was totally gonna stay over, but he's super busy. I think it's getting serious though. We've hooked up four times."

Girl's Friends: "OMG 4 times. He's so your boyfriend."
Girl: "I know right."


Guy: "Yeah but she's getting clingy, I think I need to stop texting her."
Guy's Friends: "Yeah. Anyway, let's get some beers."

The End.

Explanation: The fundamental problem of (most) casual hook-ups between guys and girls -- when a guy says "I want this to be casual" the girl says "yes". Meanwhile she secretly thinks the guy will change his mind ... IF he spends enough time with her adorable, special, quirky personality. She'll win him over and he'll wake up one day, saying "Eureka! I love her."

So ... she keeps hooking-up with said GUY, earning relationship points. 100 points and you've got yourself a new boyfriend! Yay.

But the more the guy hooks-up with a girl ... while she's busy collecting points ... he's starting to plan an exit strategy. Because he was in it for the sex -- not the book clubs, weddings, and wine tastings. Which he was upfront about.

So remember folks ... know what road you're on before getting lost in DATING LAND.

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