Wednesday, November 7, 2012

We’re Just Friends! (Cough, Cough, BULLSHIT!)

When Harry met Sally the entire world once again started asking the age-old question, “Can men and women just be friends?”And now, I too have have come to ask it, and ...

The answer is yes. But that “yes” has more layers than a chubby girl’s wedding cake.

Not to mention men and women answer this question very differently. Women always say “yes” (see above). And men, not surprisingly, say no. (And if you’re a straight guy who says yes, please just shut up and keep reading.)

Here’s what my male friends (see I have friends that are guys) have told me in the past. When they meet a girl they put her into one of two categories: 

1.  Girl I’d like to have sex with 
2.  Girl I would NOT have sex with

If you fall into the latter category, “No Sex” than more often than not, they (men) do not make any effort to hang out with you. Why would they? They already have friends to play FIFA and smoke weed with. And you can't offer anything more interesting (i.e. sex).

If you fall into the OTHER category (even if it’s a slim chance you’d sleep with him, or there’s only a slim chance he wants to sleep with you) he’s at least willing to hang out with you. Because who knows, maybe at some point, he’ll get some sex.

This has been established as the “male way of thinking”. So even if guys really are just “friends” with you, they’ve definitely thought about having sex with you, even if they never act on it.  

So if you’re a really hot girl, with a lot of guy friends, guess what? You’re not actually that funny.  Sorry.

Now, girls see this differently. I have a lot of male friends, and honestly I believe we are JUST friends. I know what you’re thinking -- maybe I’m so hideous I fall into that latter category of “No Sex, No Way, You’d Have to Kill Me First.” Maybe.

But for my own self-esteem purposes, let’s go with … NO. Like I said, a lot of guy friends – and, I’ll freely admit it, the line sometimes gets a little blurry. But even if we stray beyond that friendship border we always make our way back. And are still good pals afterwards. Doesn’t that count for anything?

So here’s the real root of the problem – if a guy and a girl really like each other, and like hanging out all the time, AND are attracted to each other … they date. It’s just science. (Unless it’s a timing issue … and there’s a whole other post on that.)

However, what usually happens in these “friendships” is one person likes the other person just a little bit more. That’s what keeps the friendship going right? The girl is in love with the guy so she sticks around while he bones other chicks. Or vice versa.

But if that’s the case, then all male-female dynamics would be based on unrequited love. Which just seems ridiculous. We can't ALL be walking around crushing on one of our friends while they’re crushing on someone else? It would just become this weird balance of unrequited-love-friendship-torture ... right?

The only other option is that guys and girls can be friends as long as they’re not attracted to each other (see the gay man / straight woman dynamic).  

So, if that's not the case, the question still remains: what if there is a level of attraction, even in a minute sense. Then what? Is your entire friendship based on the idea that you might one day sleep together? Or is it that sometimes we like being around people we can flirt with just for flirting sake? STORY TIME!!!

I had a male friend one time (I won’t name names), who was very cute, and we got along very well (did I mention he was very cute?) and when we first met he told me straight up … “Taryn we can’t be friends.”

“Why not” I asked, slightly offended. I mean, I’m awesome.
“Because I have a girlfriend. And guys can’t be friends with girls, it’s all about sex.”

I was flabbergasted. Not really. But I really wanted to hang out with him (to steal him from his GF obviously). Kidding people! Kidding!

I wanted to hang out with him because he was funny and interesting and liked talking about weird, random subjects with me. Like what we’d do in case zombies ever attacked. Cool stuff.

Fast forward a few months, the “what about my gf” guards wore down -- and we became friends. AHA! See it CAN happen. BUT, I’ll admit there was always something in the back of my mind that thought, “What if?” So really this anecdote is proving what men already think. That it always comes down to sex.  See what I did there?

And if Harry and Sally are proof of anything … it’s "no, they could not be friends", because look they got married.

But I still stand by the amount to guys I know, that I like to hang out with, and have real friendships with.  And I’m not so conceited to think, “they clearly are all in love with me and that’s why we’re friends.” I have to assume, they just like me for my winning personality.

So for my final thought, the answer to this question after 27 years of real-life analysis … I have no freaking clue. 


  1. Please write a post about not being a robot and proving it against ignorant technology.