Thursday, July 19, 2012

Shut Up Cosmo!


In this month’s Cosmo there is an article titled “10 Things Single Girls Have That Taken Girls Don’t.” The article is an attempt to make us single girls feel like it’s okay we don’t have a man by our side, because “Look at these amazing things we can do!” Things, which, aren’t actually amazing at all ... 

Cosmo nuggets* of wisdom: 

1.     The Ability to Buy a Last Minute Trip to Costa Rica One Day in Advance because our Boyfriend isn’t Holding Us Back – I think we all know this is crap! How many of us are actually doing this? Boyfriend or not, it’s called a JOB Cosmo … my job and money prevent this from happening. 

2.     A Pinworthy Panties Collection: I’m not even sure what this means really. I’m guessing “Pin” is in reference to PinInterest, but I’m not on that so I really have no words, except to say I can barely squeeze in laundry, let alone brand new hook-ups and underwear shopping. 

3.     The Freedom to Leave Your iphone on the Coffee Table: How is this a perk exactly? Seriously … someone explain how this is a perk? 

4.     The Right to Throw Down $300 on Your BFF’s B-Day Weekend: Listen Cosmo, this is a money thing, not a boyfriend thing. If I can throw down $300 because I can afford it, great. If not, they’re gonna have to be happy with another candle. 

5.     A Heavy Rotation of Free Drinking Establishments: Where to start … again I think Cosmo is lost in an episode of “Sex and the City”, assuming that if you’re single you’re out every night (and apparently getting free drinks). I think this is more a hot girl thing and / or economy thing … if a bartender wants to make some cash, they’re giving away free drinks boyfriend or not. 

6.     Epic Job Interview Skills: On the assumption that you take a lot of first dates, and isn’t that what an interview really is! (Good one!) So now I’m single and unemployed, thanks Cosmo!

7.     A Glorious Fridge Full of Rose Wine, low-fat String Cheese and Homemade Quiche: well unless you’re a 45-year-old divorcee this doesn’t really apply … and if you ARE a 45-year-old divorcee and this is your perk, find a hobby. 

8.     All Bravo All the Time: Um, see #7 again. 

9.     The Ability to Know a Guy's Backstory because You Read it On OKCupid: Am I single or a stalker … ‘cause that seems stalkerish … and just sad. 

 Basically this article is trying to tell us that “being single is okay … for now” it’s a belittling way to say, “Chin-up girlie … grab some Rose, leftover quiche, turn on Bravo and think about how you’ll get through this.” Like we’re in some kind of war against the taken girls.

I mean if these really are the best examples of “perks” Cosmo could come up with, I’m a little disappointed in my membership to the singles club.

Not to mention, it’s annoying that Cosmo feels the need to make me (or any single girl) feel better for being single. Just call it for what it is … I’m single because no one likes me. Haha, kidding.

But I do think that relationships should be icing on the cake of life, which means being single is the cake part and that's fine. If anything is tying me down it’s this thing called “being an adult and having a job” … that’s the real bummer. 

*by nuggets, I mean load of crap. 

3 comments:

  1. OMG!! I laughed through the whole thing!!

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  2. Jobs really are a bummer. I'm lucky not to have one. A staff gig at Cosmo must have a very specific skill set. We just can't tell what it is from the content.

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  3. @MARK HaHa, yeah maybe one day they'll tell us what that skill set is.

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